Saturday, January 21, 2023

Phir Milenge // See You Soon.

I truly cannot believe that I'm back in my Jersey home and have completed my 15 days at Bal Ashram. I remember when I sat in the car for 2 hours, driving from the Jaipur airport to Bal Ashram, I was riddled with anxiety. Will the kids like me? How will the kids be? Will they be angry or will they ignore me? What is my purpose? Who am I and why am I even worthy of visiting the Ashram? Will the staff and faculty feel awkward about my arrival? So many questions and thoughts that were instantly hushed by the warm welcome of the staff, faculty, and most importantly, the children. 

I went to bed that first day realizing that this had been a dream of mine since my childhood days. I've always wanted to help children in any way I can and protect them as well as I can. It took me more than a decade to live out my dream and now I am filled with so many different emotions as I reflect on my time at the Ashram.

I want to take note of some things/moments I will forever hold in my heart:

  • Sunrises & Sunsets. I now have a weird obsession with the sun. Almost every day at the Ashram I had the incredible ability to witness both the sunrise and the sunset. Breathtaking. I hope I can continue to witness the sun's glory here at home because it has been such a huge constant at Bal Ashram that I've grown to cherish. 
  • The 'Esha Didi's. I will most definitely miss hearing all of the 'Esha Didi's. I'll miss the suffocatingly pure and soul-filling effects of the children huddling around me and yelling my name in my face to get my attention. 
  • Chai & Biscuits. Masala chai is a fan favorite at Bal Ashram. They drink it every morning and around 4:00pm every day. I've grown to LOVE the taste of chai in combination with the Ashram's Tiger Biscuits. The process of dipping the biscuit in the chai and then letting it melt in your mouth followed by a sip of the warm chai has been something I've grown to love. It's also one of the most amazing ways to socialize at Bal Ashram. The staff and faculty sit on the stairs or inside the dining hall and take a few minutes to mingle with each other before they have to get back to their duties of teaching and supervision. 
  • Nature and music heal. Bal Ashram is located at a very scenic area, surrounded by mountains, occupied by plants and trees, and covered in a sand floor. All your senses are activated from the time you wake up: the chilling breeze coming down from the mountains, the clear view of the sunrises and sunsets, the feel of the cool tiles against your barefoot in the halls, the smell of the flowers growing on the trees. Bal Ashram has deepened my already existing love for nature. Music also plays a large role in the therapeutic atmosphere of Bal Ashram. Their daily prayers, slogans, chants, and meditations are so spiritually activating.

  • Never be afraid to party! These boys know how to party it up. They dance with so much passion and 'kushi' that you can't help but groove with them. They taught me the dance to one of their Rajasthani songs and they even had a choreographed dance for 'Jai Ho.' IT WAS AMAZING! I taught them how to shake their hips (i.e. 'thumka') and give each other the hip hits because obviously that's the classic Bollywood move everyone must know :) 
  • The Squiggle Technique. What a godly technique that left me in awe. This technique truly shows how much of our outer selves we hide/mask to fit our societal roles. It brings out our true inner feelings and subconscious thoughts that we often may try to suppress. 
  • Ladoos. While I was teaching a class on emotions one day, one of the boys started laughing hysterically. When I asked him what he was laughing at, he pointed at my cheeks and said 'ladoo.' I couldn't help but crack a smile as I realized that he was referring to my chubby little cheeks that make an appearance every time I laugh wholeheartedly. I have now grown to love my cheeks thanks to that boy :)
  • Education is not a privilege - it's a right. As of right now, education is a privilege for many of us when it really should be a right for ALL of us. One of the boys came up to me one day and said 'You're rich people and we're poor people.' I tried to explain to him that that is not true and money and living in the U.S. does not mean you're better or 'richer' than anyone else in the world. However, he defined 'richness' as 'being able to do and study whatever you want' and that rocked me to my core. It's true - I have the privilege to decide what education I want to receive and what future profession I want to enter. The boy told me that he doesn't have that same option because he needs to study something specific that will make sure he gets a good job and enough money to then help his family come out of poverty. What an enormous burden to bear at such a young age. Going to school for me felt and looked so very different from what it looks and feels like for all of these children. 
  • Feminism in rural parts of the world. I already wrote about this previously, but I wanted to bring it up again to talk more about the gender divide. Opposite the Bal Ashram is a place called the Ballika Ashram, where teen girls come to learn sewing and beautician-related courses in an effort to get a job and become financially independent. During one of the celebrations, the Ballika Ashram girls came to the Bal Ashram to partake in the dances. I noticed that the boys and the girls would take turns dancing - they would never mix. The DJ would play some high-beat songs for the boys to dance to for 10 minutes and then he would switch to some low-beat and more elegant songs for the girls to dance to. When the girls arrived on the dance floor, the boys would move away and watch the girls, and vice versa. When I asked one of the boys why everyone isn't dancing together (like I did with all of the boys and male staff/faculty the night before), the boy very confidently said "because when all boys and girls dance together, the boys dance with so much power that they might hit the girls and hurt them by accident." I couldn't help but to laugh at the internalized cultural sexism that still exists to this day. 
  • The 3 Musketeers. These three boys - V, L, and K - played a pretty large role at my time at the Ashram. They were older boys, around the age of 16-18, who are best friends with each other. I've heard and have been told directly by them that they don't really interact with any of the staff, faculty, or even volunteers who visit the Ashram. However, they somehow felt comfortable enough with me and became a constant during my time there. These 3 best friends even collectively drew me a painting and gave me a tie-dye bracelet that says "Friend Forever" that I plan on wearing until it breaks open. I think the reason why I became so emotionally attached to these boys was because they made me feel like me being myself was enough. They gave me the space to open up and be completely myself and they accepted that part of me with so much love. 
  • The U.S. is seen as this almighty country. I agree that there are countries, like the U.S., with more resources and privileges compared to other countries. However, that does not make the people of that country better than anyone else. A lot of the boys have this internalized idea that Americans or even foreigners are superior to Indians. I don't blame them because this has a lot to do with the centuries of the British oppression of India that may cause many to still believe that 'white people' or those who live in lands largely occupied by 'white people' are superior to others. 
  • The food! The cook, Ganesh Ji, is so insanely talented. Literally every single meal was stupendous, amazing, and incredibly filling. His paneer and puri combination was out of this freaking world!
  • The 'Namaste Didi's. The norm at the Ashram is to greet everyone, including the boys, with 'Namaste's instead of 'Good Morning' or 'Hello.' I will truly miss those early morning 'Namaste Didi's, where the boys would fold their hands around their chai cups and greet me with such kind smiles and eyes as they would walk me to their daily morning meet-up spots. 
The boys taught me a lot about life - too many to count, but I'll attempt to list the main lessons. 
  • Love & presence is enough. Throughout my time at Bal Ashram, I was continuously riddled with self-doubt and guilt. Well-accomplished and distinguished leaders & talents from across the world visit Bal Ashram and then here I am, a super normal 20-year-old college gal who came from the U.S. I didn't even have a degree to back me up! Who was I and why was I here? I wanted to just help in any way I can and I found that the 'help' that the boys wanted was a sense of belonging and love, so I tried my absolute best to give each and every one of them just that. I let myself open up and created a space where the boys saw me as an equal. During all their meditations and meetings, I would sit beside them instead of on a chair alongside the teachers. During their play time, I would play with them. During their movie times, I would sit for the entirety of the 2 hours and watch the whole film with them (and allowed for some to even use me as a human pillow). I gave them the space to feel comfortable enough to open up about their worries whenever they wanted to. Thus, I later realized that they didn't need to know (or even cared about) whether or not I had a degree or if I conquered the world in some way or the other. They just wanted a companion and someone who could help them see themselves for who they are and remind them that they are all extremely talented & worthy boys. 
  • Trauma looks different for everyone. I knew that this was a fact, but I got to actually see it at the Ashram. One boy imagines a lot of things from his past due to his traumatic background. Another kid refuses to feel anger or recall his past, suppressing all of his feelings and festering up anger. Another kid feels so extremely lonely and has told me that he feels like his younger siblings have forgotten about him because he hasn't seen them in years. Trauma is not comparable. Everyone's trauma is trauma and thus, therapy & the healing process must also be tailored according to the needs of each individual child.  
  • What home is for some is an unknown place for others. Many of the boys remember where their homes are, but do not recall their homes being a safe space. Others reminisce about their past moments with their siblings and parents and feel lost as to why they ended up at the Ashram. Some are excited to be heading back to their homes and seeing their families after months. Home: it's more-so a feeling than it is a place. 
  • Keep your inner child alive. Always. The children of Bal Ashram taught me to keep my inner child alive at all costs. I haven't been that carefree & happy in so long! Keeping my inner child alive helped me become more spontaneous, 'forgive & forget' more easily, and made me enjoy life and its little offerings with much more ease.  

Coming back to my house in Jersey now feels a bit disorienting. I miss the ambience of the Ashram and the love from the boys. I know for a fact that I will see them again in the near future, so this isn't a goodbye, just a ta-ta for now. Phir milenge boys 🥺



Saturday, January 14, 2023

Coffee Date #38 with Julia Lopez Ramos (@ Bal Ashram)

 

coffee date #38 with julia lopez ramos

Paris native, Montreal grad, badass woman, a-large-cup-of-chai-lover, Bal Ashram volunteer & English teacher, a yoga-on-the-rooftop gal, a spontaneous friend maker

me: chai | julia: chai
location: Bal Ashram, Viratnagar, Rajasthan


Many say that if you have the ability to travel around the world, you should do it because you meet people who will stun you in every which way possible.

Julia Lopez Ramos is one of those people I met unexpectedly at the Bal Ashram. She lives in Paris and had been volunteering at the Ashram for about 2-3 months.

When I first saw Julia, she was unloading something from her cab’s trunk. We both made prolonged eye contact because I hadn’t seen her at the Ashram since I’ve arrived and she hadn’t seen me. I then saw her again, minutes later, at my room. She had been staying at the room next door for the past 3 months. We introduced ourselves to each other and I recognized her name instantly. Many of the boys had told me earlier that ‘Julia Didi’ teaches them English and that they watch Harry Potter during her class. Julia explained that she had left for a few days to do some sightseeing, hence why I didn’t see her the first few days since I’ve arrived.

Julia was incredibly warm, ‘earthy,’ and full of life the first time we met. She created a comfortable space instantly. A day or two later, she brought 3 of her friends to visit the Ashram. She explained that they all met a couple months prior in Jaipur and I was shook because here she was, traveling the streets of Rajasthan alone and still managing to make amazing and talented friends!

“Is the world small or is your circle small?” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

After exchanging a few short conversations with her, I realized that I wanted to delve deeper into her world and thoughts because she is such a badass! Thus, on her last full day at the Ashram, I asked her if she could sit down for a ‘chai’ (because the people of Bal Ashram are obsessed with chai) date with me and she agreed! I loved Julia’s openness to welcoming new people into her life and fully immersing herself into an entirely different culture. She told me that she chose to stay at Bal Ashram for 2-3 months because she wanted to feel it all. She didn’t want to rush her experience; and this speaks volumes about the type of person Julia is.

I am ecstatic to share this coffee date with ya’ll because this one is special (fyi, it’s my first date outside of the U.S. with someone I had quite literally just met). Here we go….

Epiphanies

  • Bal Ashram and its magic.

Bal Ashram is magical. It is truly a heartwarming and equally challenging place to be at.

It’s heartwarming because every child at the Ashram offers you so much love. They want to include you in everything they do, from their computer classes to flying a kite to sitting next to them while eating to dancing ferociously on the dance floor (my new favorite song thanks to the boys playing it 10 times a day).

It’s also a challenging place to be at because not every day is perfect. Sometimes you’re having a bad day and don’t have the energy to speak to all 100 kids at once. Sometimes the boys are having a bad day and they may lash out or react harshly. Oftentimes it just hits you that many of these boys never grew up within a stable household and were all victims of child labor. It can be taxing.

“The excellence of improvisation and the flexibility of not planning anything and things working out fine. I found that to be such a huge quality to have as a people and culture, in general.” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

Aside from the boys, another reason why Bal Ashram is magical is because of the staff and faculty. The teachers at the Ashram are so insanely talented with the boys. They’re patient, compassionate, and understand the psychological effects of trauma. Additionally, they provide volunteers with the space and flexibility to conduct their own classes, events, or activities with the children. Julia mentioned that she noticed this idea of improvising and being so flexible to be a very Indian thing. I agree. Many of the Indians I’ve met are very comfortable with the unknown and are able to turn the unknown into something remarkable in the moment. It’s something that I didn’t realize until Julia explained her observation.

  • when do you know you’re doing enough as a volunteer and as an activist?

As a 100 Million intern, one of the things I focus on is creating a space and conversations around mental health for advocates. Advocacy can be grueling and brutal because it requires a lot of our inner strength and emotional work. Many of the people that I’ve conversed with via IG Lives on @100millionusa have stated that they ensure to take time to take care of themselves mentally almost every day because it is impossible to pour from an empty cup; thus, you must fill your own cup first before trying to use your voice for a cause.

Despite having such conversations with people and learning from them, while I’m at the Ashram, I still sometimes feel waves of “Holy crap, I am not doing enough. I am not enough.” Julia explained that she too had that feeling of not doing enough while at Bal Ashram. She answered that for herself by being as present as she can with the boys. Presence is a huge thing in the activist/advocate world. Showing up, doing the work, and using our voices for ourselves and others is the basis of activism, after all.

“I trust that I am doing as much as I can.” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

I also liked how Julia mentioned that one way she has measured her feeling of ‘enoughness’ at the Ashram is by gauging how tired she was when she goes to bed. I have been dead exhausted every time I’ve gone to bed while at the Ashram and that, to me, means that I’ve given the boys my undivided attention, love, and care and that’s the best that I could’ve done that day. That is enough. But it’s also important to note that we do not need to feel obligated to stretch ourselves to insane limits every day while we try to fulfill our missions because again, you come first because your cup needs to be full first.

  • privilege – what to do with it.

A large part of our conversation revolved around privilege. Julia and I agreed that we’re both hella privileged humans. Thus, I wanted to unpack the idea of privilege and what we can actually do with it.

For example, Julia and I were able to come to Bal Ashram because a) we had some sort of connection to this organization (Julia’s Mom knows Kailash Ji, I work with Anjali Kochar and Morgan Keyt in the U.S.) and b) we both could afford to come to the Ashram (i.e. the plane tickets & the housing costs). This is privilege.

Julia also explained that there should be a large emphasis on what you do with your material privilege and how that builds your relationship with the world.

“For me, it’s just a question of consciousness. If you’re conscious of the privilege you have, then you should act in a way to make the world a more fair, equitable, inclusive, kinder place for everyone who doesn’t have that chance. The problem with not being conscious of your privilege is then you don’t really have a drive to do that.” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

Additionally, privilege is very much black and white in a lot of people’s minds. Many may naively believe that privilege means having a crap ton of money, parents, and a huge house. However, lots of people with a crap ton of money may be living in a broken household. Others may have financial privilege, but may have never experiences the love and care a child needs in order to grow. Some may not have any money, but were raised in a loving and caring family. In essence, I think it’s important for people with any sort of privilege to recognize their privileges and do the work to make the world they’re living in a better place. At the same time, I think it’s important for all of us to remember that no one’s life is perfect and no one has their shit together.

  • ‘nepo baby’

Nepotism. A rather heavy & ‘doomy’ word.

I see nepotism in 2 different ways:

  1. It’s terrible that someone, who is already born into a certain position, has a greater ability to reach a particular goal compared to someone who wasn’t born into having access to those resources.
  2. It (very) mildly makes sense. If my parents were running a family business, it makes sense that they would trust me over an outsider, with the same qualifications, to hand over the business to. This is where consciousness comes in, as Julia mentioned with privilege. If you are a nepo kid, then again, there must be a sense of awareness and consciousness over how and what got you to the position that you are in right now.

Let’s dissect it further.

Julia started by saying that she is a ‘nepotism baby’ and how conscious she is of that fact. I enjoyed the way she broke up this concept for me. Essentially, there are ‘shades’ to nepotism; on one extreme, we have the ‘bad’ shade and on the other extreme we have the ‘good’ shade.

The Bad Nepotism

Honestly, I can’t do justice to this topic by writing about what we talked about because Julia spoke about it in such a powerful way, so listen to a snippet of the conversation below.

We also dissected nepotism in the arts world. Many people claim that they would not have continued to succeed in their career if they didn’t have talent despite coming from a family of artists. However, Julia states that though that is true, they still cannot deny the fact that they have the “know how.” These folks inherently have a higher starting point than the other folks.

“Even if you are talented and even if you’re not using ‘daddy’s money’ and even if you’re not using ‘daddy’s contacts,’ you’re still using his ‘know how’ – how to talk to people, when to talk to people, who to talk to first. All of these are illicit and insidious rules that other people do not have access to.” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

Julia explained the different types of capital that the Founding Father of French Sociology came up with. He developed a theory on the types of capital (i.e. material, social, cultural) that one can possess. Even if the person is not using the money or the contacts, they’re still using the cultural capital which is all of the “illicit rules that people who do not have the transmission through family don’t have.” Thus, it is still unequal and unfair and creates a system that continues to uplift those with the family transmission and oppresses those without the family transmission.

The Good Nepotism

Julia explained the ‘good nepotism’ to me by using Bal Ashram and Kailash Ji as an example.

Kailash Satyarthi is a 2014 Nobel Peace Laureate for his fight to ensure every child is free, safe, and educated. He is also the founder of many social activist organizations likes the Bal Ashram Trust. Julia mentioned that Kailash Ji’s daughter is also a child rights activist who works in the same realm as her father and does similar work for the various organizations that her father founded.

“These type of dynasties you never really hear of. Nepotism, as any big concept in the world, has so many different shades. I think we can be in the shade of ‘good.'” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

In conclusion, nepotism is a big daunting word that has several aspects to it and I currently do not have a concrete answer for it.

  • arrogance.

“I am not going to cater to your insecurities just because my life is cool.” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

Everyone, let’s take a minute to applaud this queen. I freaking loved it when Julia said that ^^^ out loud.

The type of arrogance we talked about stemmed from our own life experiences that were a result of our privilege. Julia noticed that many of the people she was hanging out with previously were always surrounded by the same people in the same city. Thus, she described that her life may be more ‘marketable’ than those folks (‘more marketable’ does not necessarily mean traveling across the world; it means being open to new experiences and new people). In comparison to those acquaintances, who had the same amount of privilege and ability to welcome these experiences, Julia felt as though she was being arrogant when speaking about her life experiences because she met people from different places at different times and welcomed new thoughts and ideas. She explained that that is not necessarily arrogance; it’s moreso a worry that you are overselling yourself. Revolutionary.

“I am more triggered, annoyed, and worried about underselling yourself, especially as a woman, than overselling yourself. I want to be surrounded by women who are like ‘I am the shit and I can do this.'” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

When Julia spoke about the concept of confusing overselling with arrogance, I realized that I may need to do some reflecting. Every time I feel like I’m being an arrogant ass, maybe it’s just me selling myself. This process may seem uncomfortable because women are so often oppressed and told that they aren’t enough, so when you finally do speak about yourself and share your experiences, it may seem as though it’s arrogance. However, maybe it’s just you doing you and living your life. Woah.

Where do we draw the line between overselling and arrogance though? (to be continued….)

  • ‘who do you see when you look at yourself in the mirror?’

“I fully frontally see myself. Sometimes I see little Julia. I am comfortable with my relationship with my reflection of myself.” – Julia Lopez Ramos, 2023

A queen.

I immediately thought of something I read somewhere when Julia answered this question. The piece said that many women tend to shy away from staring at themselves for too long in the mirror because they’re afraid they’re being self-conceited. Yet agin, this is society’s conditioning playing into a woman’s day-to-day life.

Julia further instilled in me that vanity should not be something to shy away from. Women are so much more than their appearance. However, that doesn’t mean that we have to dismiss our appearance altogether. It’s okay to think that we’re beautiful both externally and internally. You deserve it cutie.

In 2023, I pledge to be slightly more vain, oversell myself and not confuse it with arrogance, and seek for more spontaneous connections with people across the world ðŸŒŽ Ready for ya 2023.

Friday, January 13, 2023

The Power of Music.

One of the things I've observed during my time at Bal Ashram is the power of music. 

Music, sounds, and mantras are so heavily built into the daily routines of these boys. Every morning they start with a sun prayer, where they chant together while facing the sun. After breakfast, there's a 'pradhana,' where they do another chant to God followed by the singing of the Indian National Anthem. Hearing the boys sing the National Anthem gives me goosebumps every time. There's something magical and breathtaking about the Indian National Anthem and the combination of all the voices in the room singing for the same cause. 

After the national anthem, they chant some slogans. One example of a slogan they say every day is something along the lines of 'Bal Majduri Bhan Kharo, Bal Shiksha Shuru Kharo' (Stop child labor, Start child education). These slogans are equally powerful. They have 2-3 kids stand at the front and say the first half, and the rest of the boys yell the second half. Again, it's collective and it builds a sense of unity and pride. 

In the afternoon, the boys have meditation, during which they do some deep breathing followed by spiritually loaded 'om's. The humming of 'om' is so enchanting when in the room with the boys. It creates a calming effect that cannot be explained in words. 

During religious holidays, they do a havan (e.g. a ritual in which offerings of food etc. are burned in a fire to bring good luck on a special occasion - Wiktionary). All the boys chant in Sanskrit during this time and it is mesmerizing. There's a tune and rhythm that they all follow and once again, it creates a sense of unity and wholeness. 

They even like to party and get down to some Bollywood and Rajasthani music. Rajasthani music has insane beats that the boys love to dance crazy to. It's the perfect mix of cultural and club music that you just can't resist bopping hard to. 'Chunni Mein Perfume Lagave' is now a song that I am obsessed with thanks to the boys. 

Though I don't know any of the prayers, chants, slogans, and even the Rajasthani songs, there's an energy that I feel when I'm around the boys during those moments. It's the kind of energy that throws you to another wavelength of existence - a calmer, kinder, gratitude-filled existence. The energy combines everyone. It claims that we are all one. It's powerful and it's beautiful. That is the power of music. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Women. Feminism. Equality Education.

Yesterday, I beat one of the older boys in a game of Badminton. He came up to me after the game and said 'It doesn't feel good to lose to a girl.' Another kid looked at my jeans and said, "Jeans are for boys, but now girls wear them too." It has been a minute since I've heard someone say things like that because I guess I've surrounded myself with people who are feminists back home in the U.S. Thus, I was taken aback every time one of the boys said something like that. 

I then realized that this place is mainly run by men. There are currently a total of 3 girls, including me - 2 on-site counselors and me, a volunteer. The rest of the staff/faculty and children are boys and men. The higher management level consists of women. However, the people on-site are largely men. Thus, it is possible that many of the boys have internalized a sort of gender divide. 

I admire the fact that the boys of Bal Ashram are taught that they are all equal and one through chants, prayers, and songs. They are taught that child labor and trafficking is bad. They are taught their rights as children. They are taught to respect one another and protect one another. However, at least as far as I know and have seen, they haven't been explicitly taught about women/girls' rights and feminism. For the large part, they know that women's rights are rights too. But they haven't understood to what extent women experience misogyny on a day-to-day basis.

Boys and men must also learn that girls and women have a voice. Females can also be kickass at sports and beat others. Females can also study and excel and have ambitions. Females also deserve respect and equal rights/opportunities.

Monday, January 9, 2023

Some Observations.

It has been exactly a week since I arrived at Bal Ashram. The days are flying by and I've already cried once thinking about the fact that I'd have to leave these boys in a few days. This place has been incredibly healing and therapeutic. The boys are teaching me so much about life and how to lead life - lessons I could not have learned anywhere else. 

I've been spending a lot of time observing the children and their mannerisms/behavior. Here are a few things that I've observed about the boys:

  1. They are very protective of each other. As in any group or school setting, the children at Bal Ashram also have their own small cliques at times. They have their own best friends and core groups and they're very protective of those in that group and all children, in general. For example, as one of the kids was telling me something that his friend had done as a joke, I too jokingly said that his best friend is a 'bad boy.' The kid looked at me and said "No Didi, he isn't. He's a very good boy." The fact that the boy didn't want anyone to talk badly about his friend showed that they respect each other greatly. Another example of the relationship between that kid and his best friend is that they wait to eat and make sure both of them eat food at the same time. Respect, love, and friendship. I love it. 
  2. They are extremely observant. Majority of the time, all the children come after me and all at once yell 'Esha Didi' to get my attention. As a result, I sometimes get a bit overwhelmed and may accidentally show it on my face. Thus, one day when I was eating dinner, one of the kids came up to me and asked "Esha Didi,  Aap aaj udaas kyon ho?" meaning "Why are you sad today?" The fact that that child had the concept of noticing another person's body language and facial expressions showed me that the kids at the Ashram are extremely observant of those around them and can pick up on things very easily. Another day a kid asked me why I keep putting my hair in a bun if it keeps falling out. Putting my hair in a bun just became a habit of mine, even if it falls out 3 seconds later. I hadn't realized that I was doing it that often until that kid pointed it out. Again, I was astonished. 
  3. Every kid is multi-talented. The kids at Bal Ashram are extremely well-rounded students. They have academic classes, play soccer, cricket, and badminton, paint, sing, play different instruments, garden, make food, etc. 
  4. All of them have the utmost gratitude for their teachers and staff. There's a sense of deep gratitude amongst all the children at the Ashram. They know that they were rescued from situations that they never should have been in to begin with. Thus, knowing that the faculty and staff at the Ashram work to protect, heal, and encourage them is something that they all imbibe. 
  5. Therapy is normalized. There are currently 2 counselors on-site. Every time a kid sees one of the counselors, they chase after them and ask for a counseling session. This showed me how normalized therapy is at the Ashram and I freaking love that. I love that the faculty and staff were able to create that space for children and ensure that they understand that talking about their feelings and their past and working on themselves is not a bad thing; it's a very good thing. 
  6. They are eager to learn. All of the kids are always eager to learn something new all the time. They love learning new languages and are actually, in fact, very fast at picking up new languages. Their love for education has been heartwarming to see. This also shows us the power of education and its ability to remove children from their dire situations and uplift them into better situations. 
  7. They're very physically affectionate children. I call one of the boys 'Bobby Deol,' who is a Bollywood actor. This kid is a tiny little boy, whose smile radiates across his entire face and to his eyes. Every time we see each other, we grab each others hands and he clings to my arm the whole time. For someone who was always a 'touch me not' child, I grew to adore these children's signs of love through touch - the grabbing of my wrist, the pinky promises, the shoulders grazing my abdomen as we walk, the constant tapping on my knee to get my attention - I adore it. 

Thursday, January 5, 2023

HOLIDAY!!

The weather this morning was unbearably cold and foggy. Even with multiple layers, I was still freezing my ass off. And then you have the kids who essentially just wear a sweatshirt over their t-shirt and gloves - some don't even wear socks. 


Because of the insane cold, the teachers decided to give the kids a holiday. This meant that they didn't have to do their morning prayer and were given permission to watch a movie on the TV. They ended up choosing 'Winner,' which is originally a Telugu Sundeep Kishan film (i.e. 'A1 Express') that the kids watched in Hindi. 


The kids supposedly watched this film 4-5 times already. I was shook! They also were shocked when they learned that I watch Hindi and Telugu films because when they learned that I grew up in the U.S., they assumed that I only listen to and watch English songs and movies. This experience has taught me that I've taken a lot of things for granted. For example, watching a movie in a movie theatre with the recliners and the popcorn in my hands is not something that these boys have access to. 

I also taught another English class today. It was a bit of a struggle because I could see that the kids were restless, so I didn't want to lecture them and take more energy out of them. Thus, since they were all mesmerized by my laptop, I played an English cartoon for them and paused after every major sentence and made them explain the meaning to me. Then, they all begged me to play a Hindi cartoon, so I complied as this is my last English class. After that class, I had greater appreciation for elementary school teachers. They must have a ton of patience and social energy to ensure that every child is paying attention and gaining the most out of the class. 

During the boys' play time today, I beat two of the older kids in Badminton and boasted about it to all the other kids 😎. I now have bets with multiple children for Badminton challenges tomorrow, so I better not lose my dignity and win at all costs. 

After play time, I attended the meditation and chatted more with a few of the older kids. They attempted to translate the teacher's Hindi to English for me as I attempted to translate my English to Hindi for them. Being surrounded by people who I can't easily communicate with is a bit of a struggle and I found that it does drain me a lot more easily because my brain is always on trying to interpret what the boys are telling me. 

After meditation, I was dragged to the children's computer class, where they learned how to use the Microsoft paint feature, which they are amused by. After that 10 minute lecture and demonstration, the teacher played 2 cartoons on the projector and then class was over! 

During dinner, I stood with a plate of food as I heard 'Didi! Didi! Didi! Didi!' from all different directions of the dining hall. A bunch of the boys were yelling at me and pointing to the seat next to them, signaling me to come sit next to them. I enjoyed that 1 minute of attention and loved that I'm able to connect with these children 🙈

Tomorrow, I have a lot planned for the boys surrounding emotional wellbeing. I am both excited and nervous to execute these ideas because I don't know which method would be the most beneficial and how the language barrier would impact the objectives. Overall, day 3 was super fun and wholesome. I got closer with many of the boys and I am still astonished with the amount of love they have to give 🥺





Wednesday, January 4, 2023

Sunrise, Kodak Film, and Goofing Around

Viratnagar is both cold and foggy in the early mornings. My limbs take some time to adjust to the cold as I hop out of bed every morning. My Dad and I woke up early and walked over to the Bal Ashram at around 7:00am. I then chatted with Lasya, the new on-site counselor, during our morning chai time. I must say that Bal Ashram is turning me into a chai person. The concept of sipping on chai and dipping your biscuit is relaxing and encourages me to bond with the people around me for some reason.  

After chai, it was time to split up into groups and get warm in the fire. I was a part of the Bhagat Singh group. While chatting, one of the kids shrieked and instructed me to turn around and capture a picture of the sunrise 😅. It was so freaking bright and beautiful. 


I met some new kids today, who essentially did not leave my side at all for the entirety of the day. My friend circle keeps growing and I am loving it. Learning and remembering all of their names is a bit of a struggle at times, but definitely an acceptable challenge. They made me sit next to them during breakfast, the morning prayer, and were about to make me stay for the entirety of their class as well. I taught another English class today using the children's textbooks. It was mainly vocabulary (such as 'herd,' 'destroy,' 'trap,' 'route,' etc.) and sentence building work. I realized that English is such a difficult language to teach. We have the present tense (i.e. destroy), the past tense (i.e. destroyed), the "occurring" tense? (i.e. destroys), etc. And it is so hard to teach these kids the difference between all of those tenses. I just teach them the word and then cook up some random sentence and hope that that is helping them put everything together. 

After lunch, I had a meeting with Meetu Ji and Ikanshi Ji about the work surrounding mental health that I can conduct here at the Ashram with the help of the counselors. That meeting left me feeling energized and ready to implement some of the ideas discussed starting from tomorrow. 

For the rest of the day, I spent majority of my time with the children, who were correcting and teaching me Hindi (I learned numbers from 11-20 today in Hindi!) and also goofing around with me. One of the kids came up to me - practically choking in laughter - and pointed at his shoes. He was wearing his sneaker on one foot and some other kid's shoe on his other foot. It's the little things that bring a lot of joy here and I am here for it. 



After many requests from the boys, I whipped out my film camera today and carried it around with me everywhere I went. I clicked a few pics of the boys and one with someone new I met today - Julia. Julia has been living at Bal Ashram for 3 months now and has been teaching the children English. She's from Paris, but traveled to Jaipur a couple times, where she met the 3 friends that visited the Ashram today. It's amazing how many new people I've been able to connect with at the Ashram because there is always someone visiting and doing some sort of work. 

After playing badminton and cricket with the boys, I joined in on their English class. We played 'Spin the Bottle,' and whoever the bottle lands on had to introduce themselves in English. It was funny watching the children attempt to speak in English and then asking me to translate their Hindi to English for Julia to understand. My broken Hindi comprehension was valuable to some extent in this situation LOL. 

The best part of the day was dinner. During dinner, all the little kids flocked around me and wanted to speak to me about anything at all, with their mouths full of dal and their hands covered in rice. They are so insanely wholesome - my heart is healing every day I spend time with these boys. The older boys clung to my Dad and supposedly asked him about his journey to the U.S. and what he had to go through being an immigrant. Each and every single boy is so eager to learn both within the classroom and outside. 

I realized that these boys might not be accustomed to seeing people who look like them - fellow Indians - living in foreign areas. For them, Indians are people who only live in India. However, seeing my Dad and especially me, I think they realized that it is possible for Indians to live abroad or anywhere they wish. I hope that we've given their dreams some wings and are encouraging them to let their dreams fly and not restrict them to any extent. 

I'll end this post with this one thing one of the older kids said to me as we wrapped up dinner and convened outside of the dining hall. He told me that despite all of the people that often visit the Ashram, he has never spoken to someone as much as he has spoken to me. Truly melted my heart because I live for children and I adore the absolute crap out of them. Hearing him say that further amplified my desire to work with children as a part of the Foundation and also once I become a doctor. Helping them physically & mentally as well as encouraging them to become agents of change for society is and will always be my lifelong dream, ambition, and goal. 


Tuesday, January 3, 2023

Language Ain't a Barrier

My second day at Bal Ashram started bright and early at 6:00 am. I turned the geyser on, took a warm bath, and layered up for the cold. My Dad and I were not expecting it to be so cold in Rajasthan, so we packed a light jacket and called it a day. However, once we arrived we realized that that was a brutal mistake; the weather is equivalent to the weather back in NJ and NY, so layering up has been lifesaving for me. 



My Dad and I joined the children for their morning activities. Every morning these kids wake up and drink some hot masala chai. They showered me with 'Namaste Didi's and 'Good Morning Didi's - again with the same bright smiles and eager eyes. After their morning chai, the boys split up into groups of 7-8; each group is named after a different Indian freedom fighter/leader. I was requested and taken by one of the boys to join his group - the Mahatma Gandhi group. We hovered over the fire and chatted for some time. 

During their group time, the boys make fires, do some sweeping, clean the Ashram in their respective areas. They also communicate any worries with the group leader, who is any staff/faculty member. The idea of having smaller groups and creating that safe space first thing in the morning for the boys to convey any of their problems with a trusted adult was something that stuck out to me. 

After the group meeting is breakfast, during which I sat alongside Rashmi, Kinsu Kumar, my Dad, David, and Dr. Harrison. Rashmi and the Harrisons had to leave by 10:00am, so we did some last minute chatting and clicked a picture, and then I bid them farewell. 

Pictured (from left to right): Chetna (on-site Counselor), me, Rashmi Singh (Psychologist), Dr. Alexandra Harrison (Psychiatrist), Mr. David

After breakfast, all the little kids convened in the meeting room to begin their school day. The older kids go to the government school nearby and are currently on winter break until the 5th. Therefore, the older kids engage in other activities - one of them being painting murals on the walls of the Ashram. The art teacher, Mr. Kanhaiya Sao, is incredibly talented and his art was even depicted in a mobile global exhibition book (shown below). Mr. Sao shows the boys a picture on his phone of the mural that he wants to paint. Then, the boys all work together to sketch that mural on the wall and paint the entire picture on their own. TALENT!




My Dad wasn't with me when I was with the boys at the painting area in their dormitories. Thus, I had to do all the communicating on my own. The boys would speak in Hindi and I would struggle (at times) to put their words together. When they saw me struggling, they would speak in their own version of English and supplement it with some wild actions until a light bulb rang in my head. It was comforting to see the boys not getting frustrated at my lack of Hindi skills; instead, they met me where I was and I met them where they were. I made a deal with multiple boys that if they teach me Hindi, I'll teach them English :)

During lunch I was told that I would be teaching about 20 of the boys English. As a planner, my brain went haywire because I didn't know what exactly they were looking for and how I can teach. 

3:00pm hit and all the boys arranged themselves onto a rug outside. They even had a blackboard ready for me. We started with an alphabet game and then I began to write some basic phrases down on the blackboard - 'I am hungry.' and 'I am thirsty.'

I realized that I can't be doing that for too long because the boys obviously won't have such a long attention span. I then began to point out things around us - a wall, leaf, slide, feet - and taught them vocabulary. I found that this was much more helpful for the boys because they had something visual to associate with the word. I helped them differentiate between leaf and leaves, and foot and feet. They even learned how to describe what they were wearing (i.e. "Esha Didi is wearing white shoes. Joe is wearing a black hat. George is wearing blue jeans.") We took a 15 minute break, which is when I introduced them to the 'Duck Duck Goose' game and then they introduced to me to their own version of that game. 

Finally, we ended with reading the book 'I Want to Be Mad for a While." I would read a few lines and my Dad would translate them in Hindi. The goal with reading this book was to help the children understand that anger is okay - just like any other emotion. Anger does not mean you're weak or strong - it just means you're human. The book touches on the idea that for some, anger can subside in a few minutes and for others it may take longer. 


After lunch, the children had play time from 4:30-5:30pm. I destroyed the kids at Badminton and was the all-time champion 😎. I feel like this is where I bonded the most with the kids - the friendly competitiveness helped us become closer. I also spent a few minutes in the Music Room because one of the kids had asked me to come watch him play the guitar. He sang the song 'Kya Baat Ay' for me since I played it the night before. 

At around 6:00pm, it was time for the evening meditation. The meditation was a combination of deep breathing and Om chants, followed by the little kids engaging in some slogans onstage. 

8:00pm was dinner time and we all reconvened in the dining hall. I met the new counselor, Lasya, who happened to also know Telugu and we both chatted with the boys during dinner. 

I essentially survived an entire day only knowing some basic Hindi. I definitely do think that my Hindi has improved significantly since 2 days ago. It has been an incredibly immersive experience. 










 

Monday, January 2, 2023

The Squiggle Technique

The Squiggle Technique is exactly what it sounds like (I'll definitely do further research). It’s an intriguing way to understand a child’s inner world by literally drawing squiggles.

Dr. Harrison demonstrated this technique with 3 boys, who we will call ‘Joe,’ ‘George,’ and ‘Alex.’

Joe was up first. Because he was first, it was obvious that he was tense and hesitant because he had no idea what he was getting into. Dr. Harrison started by drawing a random squiggle on the piece of white paper. Joe was then instructed to draw whatever squiggle he wanted to. They proceeded to take turns and alternated with their squiggles until Dr. Harrison deemed it was appropriate to stop.

After stopping, Dr. Harrison asked Joe to tell her what he sees in the image that they had both created. The boy hesitated because he had no idea what the ‘right’ answer was. Rashmi translated and informed the boy that there is no right or wrong answer – ‘it’s just a game.’ When it became evident that Joe was too nervous to start, Dr. Harrison created her own story. She stated that she sees a chicken in the drawing and notices that all of its body parts are dislocated and placed in different parts of the picture. Joe then added on to that description, but could not make his own description.

Dr. Harrison repeated this activity with Joe. This time, Joe started the squiggles. At the end, Joe was encouraged to share a story of what he sees is happening in the image. This time, he did have a story to tell. Joe stated that he saw a heart in the image and when asked ‘what is the heart saying or doing?’ Joe replied with a moral value along the lines of ‘the heart will take you to wherever you need to go.’

Dr. Harrison performed the same exercise twice with both George and Alex. George and Alex had already seen what the activity entailed. Thus, they appeared to be a lot more confident and comfortable sitting in front of Dr. Harrison.

George was evidently a lot more confident. He had the chance to draw first, so instead of drawing squiggles, George intelligently drew a cup with a straw inside. Insane artist! After a few rounds, George was also asked to tell a story of the image. He explained that he saw a person flying a kite. In the second image, George described that he saw a tree with a butterfly and a pond with a swan inside.

Lastly, Alex. Alex had a bright smile across his face the whole time throughout the entirety of this activity. He described his first image as a bowl holding ice cream with a side of fruits. He noted that the second image showed mountains with clouds and rain. 

At the end of the session, all 3 boys were thanked and asked to leave the room so that Dr. Harrison and Rashmi could debrief with the teachers and the counselor on-site. From the drawings itself, Dr. Harrison was able to pinpoint the type of kid each boy was and predicted what their inner world felt like.

She noted that Joe might feel alone and isolated majority of the time. She deduced this by analyzing the fact that every time she drew a squiggle, Joe would draw a squiggle somewhere else on the paper. He refused to connect his squiggles with Dr. Harrison’s. Then, with his story of the ‘heart taking you wherever you need to go,’ Dr. Harrison inferred that Joe was wearing a mask to please the people around him. He said what he thought was the right answer, instead of describing what he actually feels – which is alone, isolated, and disconnected —> like the chicken with its parts at different locations on the page. The teachers were astonished and agreed with Dr. Harrison's assessment. 

For George, Dr. Harrison immediately deduced that he is controlling. She noted that that is probably how he learned to cope with his trauma and abuse – to control and appear to be a ‘macho man.’ Thus, he took control of the situation right away by drawing a straight up image of a cup with a straw instead of a squiggle to show Dr. Harrison that he is the leader and the controller in this situation. Every time Dr. Harrison attempted to interrupt his image, George would draw something that would complete Dr. Harrison’s squiggle to show that he is still controlling the narrative. When Dr. Harrison drew an angry face on the person George drew, George proceeded to draw a kite flying from the person’s hand. When Dr. Harrison drew a lighting bolt from the clouds, George drew birds. George’s story only referred to the positive parts of the drawing (i.e. the person, kite, sun). He didn’t mention the angry face or the lightening bolt because those parts of the image show signs of anger - and accepting the feeling of anger is not ‘macho.’

Finally, Alex's picture analysis was not as complex, yet equally intriguing as the other two boys. Alex, similar to Joe, drew things away from Dr. Harrison’s squiggles. He didn’t necessarily connect Dr. Harrison’s squiggles. And when asked to describe what he saw, he didn’t mention seeing anything alive or breathing. He only described seeing a bowl, ice cream, rain, etc. This showed that he too feels isolated at times and may have some sort of negative outlook on life.

The fact that Dr. Harrison had just met these 3 boys and was able to analyze what they were feeling with just a few squiggles is staggering to me. The teachers and counselor were also shocked and nodded in agreement as Dr. Harrison shared her accurate assessment of the boys.

There were 2 main things that stuck out to me the most during the workshop:

  1. When one of the teachers asked how they can help reduce a child’s aggression and irritation, Dr. Harrison replied that “all behavior is communication.” For example, a bully is often bullying due to their own internal insecurities.
  2. Both Rashmi and Dr. Harrison emphasized the hand model of the brain. Rashmi explained the hand model (shown below) in such an eloquent way. She described that when children and/or the teachers become angry/frustrated, they “flip their lid.” In other words, their thinking brain (i.e. the 4 fingers at the top representing the prefrontal cortex) goes offline and the child/teacher’s ability to think is impaired. Thus, Rashmi and Dr. Harrison stated that the best solution is a 3 step process: (1) take a deep breath, (2) count to 10, (3) walk away. Dr. Harrison mentioned that this process is known as ‘folk wisdom’ in the states. Following this method will usually help close the lid and ensure that all four components of the brain are working together. 

One Year Later

This time last year I was mass consuming masala chai, playing (and beating) the boys at badminton, arm wrestling (and losing), talking menta...