Ownership & Control

After listening to Laasya and Morgan speak, I learned something new. 

Children, similar to the boys at the Bal Ashram, want to know that they have some sort of control and ownership over their lives. Yes, children are dependent on the adult figures in their lives when learning behaviors, societal standards, the good, and the bad. However, they also yearn for some sort of independence, especially as they enter adolescence. 

The Bal Ashram boys LOVE photography and anything to do with learning more about technology. 

In January, I was extremely cautious of giving my phone to the kids because I, being a control freak, didn't know what they'd open, delete, or see. I also didn't want any of them posting any of their own pictures anyone through my phone because their identities must be protected until they reach a certain age due to certain rules and regulations. I've also seen three of the older boys completely wiping out a faculty member's phone data when I was there and witnessed the panic it caused. Therefore, I had a few reasons as to why I was hesitant to give my phone (and when I did, I'd still be peering over their shoulder to make sure they don't randomly open other apps or files). 

Now, I'm back with Morgan and I see her giving her phone to anyone who asks. The boys take turns taking pictures and videos of each other and of me and Morgan. That's it. That's all they do. And they freaking LOVE that. Morgan said that the boys are so used to having outside people coming in and clicking their pictures, but don't have that sense of control over being able to take their OWN pictures. This was my first epiphany. 

Later, Laasya, Morgan, and I were chatting and that's when I had my second epiphany. 

Laasya described that many of the boys at the Ashram feel as if they have no control over their lives. They all live under the same 'roof'; are required to abide by a strict time schedule; can not leave the Ashram unless they're going to school; and many more reasons. Note: the way the Ashram functions is extraordinary (i.e. the morning prayers, meditations, game times, classes, food, etc.). I am just listing some reasons from the boys' pov, which are very valid.

Laasya described that one of the few ways that she sees them regaining that ownership is when she gives them her phone or laptop if they ask her for it. She explained that this shows the boys that she trusts them and also hands over some sense of ownership back to them. Almost all of these boys have been stripped of any control, ownership, and sometimes even dignity because they're forced to work at such a young age. As a result, doing something as small as just trusting them with a phone allows them to reclaim that lost internal power.

Morgan further added that that's also why she doesn't mind having her phone being tossed around with the children. She even said "everything I really need is backed up on my iCloud anyway." That's when the lightbulb rang in my head followed by a slight tinge of guilt. 

I realized then that arguing about why I can't give them my phone further proves to the boys that I do not trust them, which is not my intention to outrightly convey that message to them. Thus, ever since that conversation, I had to let go of my own 'control freak-ness' and gave my phone to whoever wanted to take a picture of me or of themselves. The cutest part is once they finish clicking those photos, they give me my phone back and say,"Look at them Esha Didi. Are they nice?" We then take a few minutes to blush at their talented photography skills.