Esha in Bal Ashram

This time last year I was mass consuming masala chai, playing (and beating) the boys at badminton, arm wrestling (and losing), talking mental health and feelings, laughing and crying and sharing many 'heart-squishy' moments with the boys of Bal Ashram.  I started off last year in the presence of so much love - an incredible amount of love. The boys introduced me to an irreplaceable, unconditional type of love. My heart glows a little every time I reminisce about the bittersweet memories that I've created with them.  They've taught me so freaking much and I just wish that they can see themselves with just as much, if not more, love that they have showered me with.  Each of those boys left a lasting impact on my life. Manifesting that I get to see them again this year 🥺❣️

A few hours into my birthday I receive a voice message from Laasya asking if I'd want to FaceTime the boys because they wanted to wish me for my birthday. Obviously I would never miss a chance to see their faces, let alone on my birthday, so we FaceTimed.  I spoke with them until their phone died. They'd throw the phone around and shriek, "Happy Birthday Didi!" Some would sing 'Kya Baat Ay' for me; some would chat with Amma and Nanna; some would use their puppy dog faces to ask me when I was coming back again; some would ask me to cut a cake on camera.  The most heartwarming part, though, was when 'V' virtually took me to the conference hall and connected the phone to the TV so that my entire face was displayed on the TV. That's when I saw at least 30 kids sitting on the floor waving intensely at the camera and screaming, "Happy Birthday Esha Didi!!!"  There was a humongous part of me that immediately thought What did I do to deserve this...

A never-ending list of all the soul-filling moments I shared with the boys of Bal Ashram I had a strand of hair on my face while talking to a group of boys and then one of them gently brushed the piece of hair away from my face as I continued to speak. He was so gentle and nonchalant about it 🥺 Two boys wanted to talk to me alone about everything life-related. We sat for literally an hour and a half chatting about their crushes, feelings of loneliness, their past, their families, etc. It was a soul-filling moment because they trusted me enough to share their stories with me.  There are two biological brothers who stay at the Ashram together. One is probably 17 or 18 years old and the other is maybe 13 or 14. The younger one, "D", I met and bonded with back in January. The older one, "A", I never spoke to in January because he was always too shy or didn't want to approach me. This time, though, "A" felt comfortable enough to talk to me and we actually ...

  coffee date #44 with laasya mangalampalli counselor at Bal Ashram , owner of the most precious smile, my-Telugu-speaking-bestie-in-Rajasthan, voice notes lover, a Trauma-Informed Therapist, singer!, ukulele player, Hyderabad-born, Bombay-raised, Rajasthan-based me: chai | laasya: chai location: bal ashram, viratnagar, rajasthan Meet my Telugu-speaking bestie based in Rajasthan, India!!! This friendship was truly a little gig curated by the Universe. Laasya and I met at Bal Ashram . My first time visiting Bal Ashram was in January 2023. Two days after I had arrived, Laasya joined as a new on-site counselor for the boys. I remember seeing her from a distance for the first time. She was hovered around by a bunch of children who were eager to talk to the newly arrived Didi [older sister]. She was so gentle and had that radiant, wide smile across her face the whole time. Approximately 3 seconds later, the boys started screaming "Esha Didi! Esha Didi!" as...

Currently sitting in my room, with my hair all frizzed up and my muddy sneakers dripping onto the rug beneath me from the rain. I just finished saying my goodbye’s. They gave me another painting of the goddess Parvati because that's what my name in Hindi means. I sat with them one final time during dinner and 3 of the younger boys had tears flowing down their cheeks. 🥺 I thought I had built intimate relationships with the boys when I was here in January, but I've built even deeper relationships with some of the boys I knew from before, but also with some new boys as well. That's why it made this 'ta ta' even harder 😭 Now that it’s my last day, I can’t help but laugh at those moments. I smile at the moments where ‘L’ would run up to me and squeeze the living daylights out of me and scream “HUG” after I taught him what that word means; the attachment that ‘V’ and ‘K’ had with me and how they’d never leave my side if they saw me in their vicinity; ‘K’s face always gl...

During one of our jokey, childish fights I turned to 'V' and said "Is this how you treat a 'mehmaan' [guest]?" He replied, "People who visit once are mehmaans. Those who come back are our family members."  Highkey melted my heart when he said that. I yearn for the feeling of belongingness because it was never a stable feeling for me; it was something that I had to work for. Thus, once again, the Bal Ashram boys showed me that me being me is all they needed to accept me into their homes and into their lives.  ^^^A violent picture of me attempting to beat 'V' at arm wrestling. Plot twist: he won. 

After listening to Laasya and Morgan speak, I learned something new.  Children, similar to the boys at the Bal Ashram, want to know that they have some sort of control and ownership over their lives. Yes, children are dependent on the adult figures in their lives when learning behaviors, societal standards, the good, and the bad. However, they also yearn for some sort of independence, especially as they enter adolescence.  The Bal Ashram boys LOVE photography and anything to do with learning more about technology.  In January, I was extremely cautious of giving my phone to the kids because I, being a control freak, didn't know what they'd open, delete, or see. I also didn't want any of them posting any of their own pictures anyone through my phone because their identities must be protected until they reach a certain age due to certain rules and regulations. I've also seen three of the older boys completely wiping out a faculty member's phone data when I was there an...

Last time I came to the Bal Ashram in January, it was brutally cold. I covered up in the few layers that I brought and hoped to not freeze my limbs off.  This time, it's scorching hot - literally hitting the 90s every day. Thus, I whipped out some of my tanks and that wreaked havoc this morning.  One of the kids said to me, "You can't be wearing that. You're a woman. It doesn't follow Indian rules."  Laasya, the amazing on-site counselor, replied in Hindi and said something like "If you boys can walk around wearing your tanks, then why can't she?" I replied to the 'rules' part of the statement by saying, "Hyderabad doesn't have rules like that and Hyderabad is in India." I literally saw the gears turning in a few of the boys' minds as they realized that maybe all of India doesn't have the same 'rules.' They replied with "ohhh acha."  I made a point to mention Hyderabad because the kids assumed that ...

  coffee date #43 with morgan keyt U.S. Programs Coordinator for the Kailash Satyarthi Children's Foundation , UCONN alum, human rights activist, environmentalist, #mentalhealthadvocate, photography/videography queen, creatively-driven, traveler/explorer, a certified lifeguard, a fellow Bal Ashram fan side note: we had to pause this date 3 times because we were interrupted by eager Bal Ashram boys who wanted to chat with us in between - wholesome 🥺 me: chai | morgan: chai location: bal ashram, viratnagar, rajasthan _________________________________________________ Morgan Keyt is. a. freaking. star. As a KSCF and 100 Million U.S. intern, I report to Morgan. We've had our weekly check-ins ever since I've rejoined the organization last summer. On every call, Morgan has this inspiring aura that makes me feel like whatever I am doing - however little it is - is changing the world and is helping people. Though she is literally my boss, she never created that...

I AM BACK AT THE BAL ASHRAM! This time, though, I came with Morgan.  Nanna drove me 3 hours to Morgan's place Thursday night. Morgan and I then packed and got ready to leave Friday morning. We traveled for 12 hours to get to Dubai, speed walked to our next gate, got on the second place for another 3 hours to get to Delhi, and then sat in a car for 6 hours to get to Bal Ashram in Viratnagar. It truly felt like a dreamy time machine.  Weirdly, though, it hasn't really hit me that I'm in India right now. I am so used to landing in Hyderabad and seeing the comfort of that city that landing anywhere else in the country just seems so foreign.  However, was all this time-warping, mental energy travel worth it? Hell yeah! As soon as we got out of the car, the tiny little kids gave me love-filled hugs and started with the constant 'Esha Didi's, which I missed so freaking much! I am so ready to immerse myself into their world again for the next week and create even more whole...

I truly cannot believe that I'm back in my Jersey home and have completed my 15 days at Bal Ashram. I remember when I sat in the car for 2 hours, driving from the Jaipur airport to Bal Ashram, I was riddled with anxiety. Will the kids like me? How will the kids be? Will they be angry or will they ignore me? What is my purpose? Who am I and why am I even worthy of visiting the Ashram? Will the staff and faculty feel awkward about my arrival? So many questions and thoughts that were instantly hushed by the warm welcome of the staff, faculty, and most importantly, the children.  I went to bed that first day realizing that this had been a dream of mine since my childhood days. I've always wanted to help children in any way I can and protect them as well as I can. It took me more than a decade to live out my dream and now I am filled with so many different emotions as I reflect on my time at the Ashram. I want to take note of some things/moments I will forever hold in my heart: Sunr...

  coffee date #38 with  julia lopez ramos Paris native, Montreal grad, badass woman, a-large-cup-of-chai-lover, Bal Ashram volunteer & English teacher, a yoga-on-the-rooftop gal, a spontaneous friend maker me:  chai  | julia:  chai location:  Bal Ashram, Viratnagar, Rajasthan Many say that if you have the ability to travel around the world, you should do it because you meet people who will stun you in every which way possible. Julia Lopez Ramos is one of those people I met unexpectedly at the Bal Ashram. She lives in Paris and had been volunteering at the Ashram for about 2-3 months. When I first saw Julia, she was unloading something from her cab’s trunk. We both made prolonged eye contact because I hadn’t seen her at the Ashram since I’ve arrived and she hadn’t seen me. I then saw her again, minutes later, at my room. She had been staying at the room next door for the past 3 months. We introduced ourselves to each other and I recognized her name insta...